Monday, May 18, 2009

Am I A Horrible Person?

I attended school in Hutto TX at Triple Crown Academy for dog training back in January. It was a 4 month long "dog training boot camp" that's supposed to be the best in this country. I'd been dreaming about attending for nearly 2 years. I fought tooth N nail to get someone to co-sign for my student loan with me. This is what I wanted to do with my life, it's what I thought I was supposed to do with my life...

After only being there for a month I just didn't "feel right" about it. I was not nearly as excited as I KNEW I should have been. Something was off. So I came back home in the middle of Feb to regroup, with plans to return in June to finish up the last 3 months. Upon returning home that's when I discovered that I was pregnant. So much for returning to school in June.

About a week before I found out I was with child however, I got a puppy. I needed a dog to take back to school with me in June to train. So the Monday before Valentine's Day (Friday the 13th is when I found out I was preggy) we got a Pit Bull puppy from a guy on Craigslist who had lost his job & couldn't take care of him.

I didn't learn everything I needed to know about being a great trainer in that first month but I learned enough. I learned enough that I could have a well trained dog.

I don't have a well trained dog. Not at all. At school they taught that you shouldn't start doing any sort of formal training (sit, stay, down etc...) until the puppy is at least 6 months of age. Bowser is not at that age yet. He is however at the age where he should be mostly house trained, which he is far from. It's my own fault, I know this & accept it. I have not been working with him properly.

Today I realized that I don't care to work with him. I don't have the Patience right now to deal with him & his puppy antics. I don't want a puppy. It's not fair to Bowser to not be trained. I really feel like I want to find him another home, one that will love him & train him properly & make him into the wonderful dog that I know he can be. The wonderful dog that I should be molding him into but lack the drive to even begin...

I want to re-home this precious dog who I love & who loves me to death. This dog who thinks I'm the greatest thing since milk bones. This dog who is very loving & who would be a wonderful companion & protector of me, my husband, our home & my daughter.

Does that make me a bad person?

If I decide to find him another home it will truly break my heart & I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive myself for it. But at the same time I don't care. I don't care that I have not been working with him & that I don't even want to attempt to.

I don't understand it at all. I don't understand myself sometimes. I don't know if this is because of me being pregnant or what. It really bothers me. I don't know what to do, I feel so helpless...

I'm sorry for the downer post, I want to try & keep my blog upbeat & interesting but I guess I just needed to get this out...

1 comment:

  1. Hi! Found you via MBC. You are not a horrible person for not wanting to keep your dog. What would be horrible is if you kept him and didn't want him and then later resented him, you know? Plus with a baby on the way....sheesh. I've got two kids, one is 6 and the other is 2 and they want a dog SO BAD. I LOVE dogs and cannot wait to have one BUT....I also know my limits! Don't be hard on yourself!